Lessons on doing your own hair.

I thought learning how to do my hair would be easy peasy. After all, i have had this hair for as long as i can remember and its just hair. Boy was i wrong. First, the natural hair blogs make it look so effortless. Especially when they fast pace their videos when they are doing twist outs or bantu knots and then unravel them to a beautiful result the next morning. Well, here is what i have found out to be the raw truth behind doing your own hair.

Well, first, my hair is at that weird transitional stage where the ends stick out straight when i wash it and the rest of the hair is just a matted mess. Lets start from the top.

1. Natural hair products will cost you a pretty penny.

From the range of shampoos that purport to give you silky soft hair, to conditioners and treatments with ingredients that promise volume and bounce, then the butters, creams and gels. I don’t even know half these products yet but taking the aisle where they are stocked is enough to have me rethinking my hair choices.

2. You need to have super stretchy hands and a third eye.

Doing your hair means your hands need to be super stretchy to reach all the corners of your head. The third eye goes without saying. Getting your hair into neat sections is a dedicated task.

3. There goes your Saturday afternoons.

Depending on how often you clean your hair, you can kiss your Saturday afternoons goodbye. Because those videos on you tube that last 4 minutes, could last you a whole hour or so trying to do Bantu knots on your head.

4.Your knots or twists could refuse to dry up.

Mine did. My maiden attempt and one side of my head looked like a bad experiment and i had church to attend. Which brings me to my next point.

5. You need to have plenty of scarves/ turbans and know how to use them.

Because your hair could totally back fire and there’s church or work or something to attend and no time to fix the mess. So, start stocking up on scarves and learn how to tie them.

6. Bad hair days might be an everyday affair.

You know how your hair decides to give you grief every once in a while, this could be your life story. Until you get the gist of doing your own hair, you could move from bad hair day to next bad hair day.

7 . questions, comments, more questions.

“Have you cut your hair? What have you done to your hair? Is that your real hair? Oh, you must be really patient.” Get used to the questions. You will get plenty of this. Even the men will comment.

8.Time to buy a nice wig.

Because some days you do not want to look at your hair and this might be your only quick fix. Scarves wont help you all the time.

On a more positive note..

9.You learn how to use bobby pins.

I bet you have been using them all wrong. Well, you have to learn to use them correctly. Also, buy a tonne of them. Plus those tiny hair bands.

10.You can rock something different everyday.

Perhaps the best bit about learning how to do your own hair is being able to try out something different everyday.

11. You save up on salon visits.

All that money you spend going to the salon? You can now use it to buy products and never need to go to the salon again.

12. Embracing your hair and nailing all those hair do’s is pretty bad ass.

Yeah i said it. Once you learn how to work your hair, then you should pat yourself at the back. Oh, and you’ll look pretty good too.


Of never ending friendships.

I know every time after a long hiatus i come here and apologize for my behavior then proceed to disappear again, but still sorry Edwin, i will not make any promises but i promise to be nicer from now on. A lot has been happening to me. Most of it has been in my head but still its been quite a transition for me. Its been beautiful, challenging , eye opening, a great learning curve.

I reconnected with a friend. Reconnected, because we last saw each other say 5 years ago. within that time, we’ve both gone to school, finished school, i with my first degree and her on to her 2nd one now, gone through the crazy confusion that is the early 20’s. To be honest, we both are still on the borderline of this confusing yet exciting phase, she is now a proficient natural hair and lifestyle blogger and i have my lovely site. Wow. its been a many five years but first a little background.


We met in high school. We were in the same class for four years. Took different classes but still found plenty to connect on. I think our personalities meshed. She, an introvert, and i an extroverted introvert as i like to think of myself. I even attended one or two of her church services . The good old days. We finished school and she went ahead to do architecture as i pursued business and amid going to study in a different town and finding myself in my early adulthood, we lost touch. For close to 6 years we did not meet or talk until recently. Thanks to a Facebook message.

Coffee with my friend after all this time felt like going for a blind date without the awkwardness of finding out they lied about their height or that they used too many filters and they aren’t as light colored as their photo portrays. Anyway, i was worried we would have nothing to talk about. Maybe my campus days were too colorful compared to hers, and that she would find me a bit loud for her tastes. What happened is that we, like always, had an array of common things to talk about. From boys, to hair, to food and health, to career and then to random things. We may have taken different paths but we certainly did not lack for things to talk about. Which was absolutely wonderful to know because well, five years is a lifetime in a girl’s life.

All this got me thinking about all my current friendships and whether they would stand such a test of time. Whether an interaction like that after such a long time would be as effortless. It also got me thinking that i would not want any of my current relationships to stand such a test of time. I guess that also counts for my relationship with my blog. All in all, it was wonderful seeing my friend. I do not intend to have the next meeting after 5 years so i should probably text her about now for our next date and to tell her that i wrote about her. Also, how have you been?

For Lolo.

I am doing a post right now because when there are no words to speak I choose to write. When the words are too heavy to be delivered, then I choose to write because pen and paper for me are always good listeners.

Today my close friend lost her little angel. Barely into this world. He had not even celebrated his first birthday and as I heard the news I realized there was nothing I could say that could possibly ease the burden. No words could express that my heart went out to her and capture the real essence of the moment. Of that of a mother not seeing their child grow up.

I was transported back to the moment when she knew she was expecting. How she had looked forward to it and when he did eventually come, how she said she did not even know it happening.How she had come from being clueless at motherhood to being completely in charge and devoted to the little one. She had planned out his life not leaving anything to chance,boldly embracing that she might have to do it alone but never faulting her baby for being a responsibility she never had in mind to start with.

I could hear it in her voice as she grew fond of her baby, his mannerisms and little quirks and was filled with awe at how she did it all amid the challenges. I admired her greatly since she got her baby. I still do. She had made motherhood seem so easy for the rest of us.

Today, when I received the news, I was at a loss as to what to say and how to say it. So I decided to write this little tribute to mother and baby. Baby, for having made my friend smile and turning her into the strong woman she was always supposed to be and mother, for being the very best mum a baby could have wished for. To pray for his soul and for the peace that one can only hope for at such times.

Unfinished conversations. – BayArt

I always knew i would see him again. We had that sort of connection that words cannot describe. It was instant,it was beautiful and there was absolutely no pressure to be anything we were not. It did not matter if we met after months or a year. it almost felt like we never ended our…

Source: Unfinished conversations. – BayArt

Falling Half in Love with Strangers

When Do I Get The Manual?


I love being able to express myself in writing.

It feels more accurate somehow than speaking words. Talking for me can sometimes feel like playing tennis with a colander; I mean, it’s possible, I can do it, but it’s not ideal. The ball goes over the net, but just about. It goes where I want it to go… more or less. I can’t be sure it’ll hit it’s mark, but I can hope. Later, I’ll go home and think about how I could have done it some other, better way.

Writing is different.

Writing is a tennis racket. When I’m writing, I have the time to think about what I’m trying to say, and then mentally flip through millions of words looking for the one that slots into my sentence like that Tetris block you’ve been waiting five minutes for; the one that gives you a combo and wipes the…

View original post 2,391 more words

i wrote a post, erroneously deleted it and now i don’t know if i can write it the same way again. So I won’t.

That is how long I have been out of this site. So long that I forgot how to use it. I posted and then deleted and now that train of thought is already on on the SGR to Mombasa and I don’t know what to do because it was a very nice thought train I had there. Yes , I am Kenyan and we just got this kick ass train, I hear, from the news and internet that I intend to use before end of year.

I wrote about my hair and how it’s wild naturalness drives me wild in a not pretty way. About how I can not understand how I want to be beautifully untamed yet the proud untamed mane on my head bothers me so. The other post had a better flow of words but that’s what I get for neglecting my baby for so long.

So now I’ll write about why I’ve been away for so long and try to get some bits and pieces of my previous post from my head. Then I will remember not to delete it.

I moved towns. I got a job and started adulting. I have no idea why I ever wanted to be an adult as a kid. If I could go back I would tell little me. ” hush child, do not ever want to stop being tiny. Cry all you want and ask for all you want. Throw tantrums and refuse to go to bed. Be a little annoying kid because once you grow up, you can’t be these things.” That’s what I’d say to the little one.

Being an adult is good. You move on to the next phase of your life as dictated by you or society. Whichever you choose to follow. But you also leave that kid behind which is sad because that kid is the reason you spent half your life smiling. If you are lucky and that kid had a happy childhood then she’s going to help you get through a lot of tough times as an adult. She is going to teach you how to laugh and be happy even when you would rather not because kids don’t stay sad for too long.

Anyway, so I’m still trying to get used to the routine. Finding my footing at work, getting used to matatus that don’t quite get to your destination. Just because they can get away with it. Learning new skills including and not confined to taking care of my hair. Well, and that’s just about it. I feel like this is an apology for being away too long and that the app will not punish me again. Yes, I’m a little superstitious but that’s just me. I’ll do this more often now that I think I have a rhythm going.

Have a lovely week everyone and I’m in the market for tips on how to manage mid length transitioning hair.

 Untaming my mane#1

Today I was humbled by the realization that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my hair in the absence of heat and chemicals and braiding. Forget you tube or blogs for naturalistas. I have watched tutorials on how to do a twist out and wash n go and many terms that I get jumbled up in my head. The real test is when I’m standing before the mirror and I realize that a task that takes me 5 minutes will now take me and unforeseen amount of time. Time that I do not have.

I love my hair. It grows at an alarming rate and manages to fill my head in ways that only hair can. Haha. I just haven’t learnt to accept my hair and let it out instead of trying to cover it . I once attempted to go natural but without the diligence and Money to sustain the lifestyle I found myself going back to my stylist to get it relaxed. Once she washed away the relaxer and my wild fuzz was straight and sleek I found myself sighing in relief. Later, I was angry at myself for giving into my mind’s whims.

Fast forward to now, my hair is in a state of half growth and half relaxed and I’m faced with the same dilemma. It took me 15 minutes more to get ready for church today. All because my head refused to be tamed. Which is ironic because I refuse to be tamed myself yet I want to tame a part of me. I digress. When I finally got my hair sleeked up and up in a bun I have never felt such sense of accomplishment.

I made it to church on time and looking around just one pew before mine was a lady with a glorious head of hair. She had not tied it up or sideways or tried to make it behave like I did to mine. I started to question my view on beautiful hair. Or kempt hair. Whichever you choose to call it. Growing up, straight hair or  hair in cornrows or braids was considered neat. Undo the cornrows and choose to walk that way and everyone will say you are crazy. Kookoo crazy. Not just anyone. My mum would give me grief for even thinking about it.

The reality is natural hair is wild. Its untamed. Its everything I believe life should be and yet I still want to sleek mine down by using a concortion of products. Then say that I finally have mastered my hair. And I only came to that realization today when I felt that my wild hair would be used to form a perception on who/ what I am. In an instance I found myself questioning so much and that is a very scary thing.

I am taking this week to wear my hair in various states of its wildness with abandon. Let’s see if it kills me or makes me stronger.

 Male best friends.

I’m watching this movie about a guy who is slowly falling in love with his best friend. The girl is dating and completely oblivious of what’s happening. She’s totally taken by this other guy even when this guy has been hellbent on controlling every single thing she does. He wants her to lose weight, eat salads, have two drinks instead of three or four you get the drill. The best friend sees this of course but won’t do anything so as not to antagonize their friendship.

I have always wanted me a male best friend although watching this has cemented the notion that perhaps this is a pipe dream. Growing up as a kid I had a male best friend. We played together, got up to mischief together, did what kids do together and it was fun. But kids’ friendships aren’t complicated. Beyond playing ‘ mommy and daddy,’ kids are happy go lucky and life does not complicate things. So such friendships are possible. My partner in crime had to part ways when we moved houses and that was the last of the male- female friendship I ever experienced.

Now, as a young adult, I find it rather hard to maintain a close platonic relationship with a guy. Especially if we get to hang out and do stuff together all the time. Somehow things get murky and they tread dangerous territories that neither of us can handle. I will be honest and say that I’ve been the instigator on a number of occasions. I no longer encourage platonic relationships unless I’m sure I can absolutely handle it. Which is rarely.


I think part of me craves having what I had as a kid and part is curious about what such a friendship really holds now that I’m all grown up. I would also like to have a different opinion from what girlfriends bring to the table and I do have a bunch of feisty, smart girlfriends. Its definitely something I’d like to explore until I get married hopefully and then my husband becomes my best friend. Or isn’t that how it works?

Anyway, I like to read and write and experience a bunch of things in life. If you are looking for a female best friend who’s a bit stubborn but really cool and fun and you stumbled upon this article, send me an email. Location doesn’t matter. Not with the internet. You on the other hand can be whatever you want to be..Funny will get you to the top of the list though.

My day at the polling station.

I got at the polling station at around 7.It was a station in our constituency but a different ward from mine.I had never been there before. We were supposed to start at 7 but couldn’t because we were last to be dropped by our transportation.  We hadn’t slept the whole night getting the material ready for the nominations. We were sleepy, tired , in need of a shower and some nice breakfast but already late for work.

My colleague and I got to work real fast. Our clerks made it early and had already set the room up. We still had to catch some new clerks up with the process, acquaint ourselves with various stakeholders and get started. There was already a line of people waiting when we got there. There was no time to have a break. Our day had begun.

When you are working such a job people expect you to have all the answers. The truth is you rarely do but have to act like it. Its the difference between peace and total chaos. You realize that there’s only a thin line between the said peace and chaos. My best bit of all during the entire day was having old men and women who couldn’t read, write or see well ask for my assistance. When they were through and you had ticked whoever they desired their gratitude was so genuine it made the fatigue worth it. The realization of the levels of illiteracy was a crushing one to say the least.  I’m talking middle age village women who had no chance to attend a classroom and could therefore not carry out the exercise unattended.

I spent  around 14 hours in that polling station. I learnt Probably much more than my 23 years combined. A lesson in humility, patience, team work, tolerance and toughness. The agents loved our team. Which is saying something since they are ready to burn you the minute things go south. I wish there had been more organization though. Maybe the exercise would have been less exhausting but we all need to get out of our comfort zones, get challenged and see life through other people’s eyes.

I and many others did not sleep for two nights straight. We did not have proper meals for that period of time but now I know people have it worse. They don’t get paid to do it, they don’t wish it, its just their reality. Mine was short lived and I eventually went home. I had a shower, had a meal and slept in a cosy bed. I would not want to be in a polling station often. Its not the kind of job that’s healthy for you. But it is the kind of job every citizen should take up once in their life. If only to experience exactly what happens and to be less quick to judge and point fingers.

You have to stop the Q- tip when there’s resistance.

i have been very very bad. I promised myself to write more regularly and here I am. A month down and nothing. I have been opening my app and staring blankly at this page then in half shrug closing it and pretending its not that empty. Every time I’ve done that I swear it sort of looks at me with that funny scrowly face that just reads disapproval. So here I am , ready to take my punishment. Okay, no, I’m not turning this into an adult blog..at least not yet.

I am a friends fun. I have watched the entire season of friends, rewatched it and still watch it every once in a while. Mostly when I have nothing else to watch but I never get tired of the humor. If you are a fan like I am, then you are aware of this phrase and the context in which it was used. If you aren’t, I’ll break it down for you. That’s my job at least for as long as I’m dedicating a whole post to it and because sometimes I need to add some anecdotes to my writing to beef it up.

This is when Chandler needed a tailor and Joey gladly suggested his trusted family tailor. Afterwards he went on to try and remember when he got his first suit and kept guessing..” I was 19 no, 16 no 19 no..I know,19..”then he asks, ” which year was 1990?” At which point Chandler thankfully puts him out of his misery by telling him this phrase, ” you have to stop the q- tip when there’s resistance.” I do not want to say Joey was a rather stupid character so I’ll just say that he took some time to catch on things..Even the most obvious ones like his age at a particular year.

This is not an excuse, for my lack of writing or lack of creativity or plain old laziness but I really do agree with Chandler on this one. Sometimes the Q- tip is just being pushed too hard and if you don’t stop where you feel resistance in my case, there will be plenty of very water melony posts here. So I was giving the Q- tip a rest and waiting for some time when pushing too hard or far won’t result in a Joey moment.

When it comes to the q tip effect , and i’ll refer to it that way from now on, well, sometimes not forcing issues- also something we used to say a long time ago- is usually the best thing. Whether its a new romantic liaison that you so badly want to work, or a new thing you’ve picked up that you insist on doing even when you know you are terrible at it or whether its that dress you got that’s a size smaller but you are losing weight and refuse to buy the one that fits you perfectly. It would be nice if you just removed the q tip and give it a rest. At least for a while.