Today I was humbled by the realization that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my hair in the absence of heat and chemicals and braiding. Forget you tube or blogs for naturalistas. I have watched tutorials on how to do a twist out and wash n go and many terms that I get jumbled up in my head. The real test is when I’m standing before the mirror and I realize that a task that takes me 5 minutes will now take me and unforeseen amount of time. Time that I do not have.
I love my hair. It grows at an alarming rate and manages to fill my head in ways that only hair can. Haha. I just haven’t learnt to accept my hair and let it out instead of trying to cover it . I once attempted to go natural but without the diligence and Money to sustain the lifestyle I found myself going back to my stylist to get it relaxed. Once she washed away the relaxer and my wild fuzz was straight and sleek I found myself sighing in relief. Later, I was angry at myself for giving into my mind’s whims.
Fast forward to now, my hair is in a state of half growth and half relaxed and I’m faced with the same dilemma. It took me 15 minutes more to get ready for church today. All because my head refused to be tamed. Which is ironic because I refuse to be tamed myself yet I want to tame a part of me. I digress. When I finally got my hair sleeked up and up in a bun I have never felt such sense of accomplishment.
I made it to church on time and looking around just one pew before mine was a lady with a glorious head of hair. She had not tied it up or sideways or tried to make it behave like I did to mine. I started to question my view on beautiful hair. Or kempt hair. Whichever you choose to call it. Growing up, straight hair or hair in cornrows or braids was considered neat. Undo the cornrows and choose to walk that way and everyone will say you are crazy. Kookoo crazy. Not just anyone. My mum would give me grief for even thinking about it.
The reality is natural hair is wild. Its untamed. Its everything I believe life should be and yet I still want to sleek mine down by using a concortion of products. Then say that I finally have mastered my hair. And I only came to that realization today when I felt that my wild hair would be used to form a perception on who/ what I am. In an instance I found myself questioning so much and that is a very scary thing.
I am taking this week to wear my hair in various states of its wildness with abandon. Let’s see if it kills me or makes me stronger.