When someone asks me to open up or stop being so abstract or give us a feel of you. I start to get scared. I feel like its an invitation to get naked and bare myself. Only this time I’m baring my soul. I find the latter harder to do because its not an act I’m used to. The former, well, I get naked all the time before I take a shower and while dressing. Its all mundane.
Baring my soul though, is something I am yet to learn. Its not as easy as they say on these talk shows that advocate letting go and opening up and all kinds of phrases that are used to synonymously mean being open. For me it is a sort of conditioned response to stimuli. To not open up. To shut down or shut in. Bottle up.whatever you want to call it.
Yet, I should open up in order to write from my heart. Its a sort of conundrum really. On one part, I would like to totally lay my self bare so as to experience an outburst of words. Thats how I envision it in my head. A sudden outpouring of emotions that has an equal measure of outpouring of words. I do not want to feel naked though.
So what do I do to achieve this delicate balance of openness without feeling like I am betraying my own confidence. I have been thinking about it for a while now. How to achieve that state or how to know exactly what needs to be said and what needs to be kept hidden. Maybe the secret is to not think about it and just write. Then let my mind decide. Or my heart. This is hard. Extremely hard but I’ll give it a try. I’ll heed the advice of a good friend and give my writing some more soul. Maybe that’s the answer to all my problems after all.