Yaaas!

I am one year old. Yaay! Not one year old, obviously, that would make me a genius, an overachiever and probably a reason for my parents to be anxious. I mean it’s been one year since i got on here and started this and quite frankly i can not remember what my first post was about. All i remember is that i was super excited to start and get my thoughts moving.

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I had high expectations for this blog but i’m pretty proud of myself for getting this far. It’s been real, Its been lovely and we started from nothing to a nice happy family of people who remind me to keep writing when life takes over and are always super enthused when i put up something. I have certainly grown. In terms of being more open and using this space for what it really is. A place to vent out, get real and unburden myself.

I look forward to this year. Will certainly be changing things up a bit here. I hope you all love it though because I am pretty excited about what is in store for the look of this space and also for my creative direction. I promise to however, keep it us untamed as possible. Maybe much more untamed than i care to be comfortable with but we grow, we learn, we advance. We get tough skins. Lol.

Thank you all for being my readers. I hope to keep this up in our 2nd year. To many more words and adventures. I turn a year older soon so also grateful for little and not so little graces. I do intend to get myself a nice glass of wine and a cupcake to celebrate this, just so you know. Lots of love!

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Social experiments.

They say the twenties are the time when you need to get out there and take life by the horns. Face troubles head on and never miss an opportunity. Experiment. Fail, fail at love, fail at lots of other things but do get back up. Stronger, wiser, tougher and a little less careless. Also, probably the best time to try your go at online dating or online meeting people if all other avenues prove futile. and they will, boy they will. Amidst juggling work, school, family, friends and everything else there’s little time left to make eye contact with the guy across the cafe long enough to get him to notice you. That’s where these little gadgets come in. Those gadgets that as a 20 something, i know hardly touch any other surface except the palm of your hand.

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So, I tried tinder. well, because there was always this fuss about it and i wondered if it ever worked in my country. Haha. yes, of course it would but i justified my joining so i wouldn’t have to admit to myself that my social life was taking a dip and quite frankly , i do not want to be the lady who does not like cats but has cats because they are the only creatures that will have her. My first thoughts when i joined were that someone i knew would recognize me and that was not the sort of conversation i wanted to have with anyone.

First week in and several swipes in, i already had several matches. I got my first and only good match during the first week. I should have known, but i did not and instead went on to see if i could get some more.The kinds i got were those who wanted me to go to their houses out of a whim and we both know they would not be serving me tea and cookies when i got there. Then there was the batch that figured i would fair well in their exotic pursuits of pleasure. Then the plain boring ones who could not sustain a conversation about the weather even if they tried.

I am a month into the app and do i want to keep pushing it? Not if all i am going to get is requests to try exotic activities i can not even bring myself to write here. Do i advise you to get on tinder to find your forever after or your scared to be alone someone? No, unless the sort of activities that will dominate the conversations interest you. Or, you like to get that sort of validation.

All this said, my tinder escapades were rather amusing. I think not going in with expectations of seriousness and thoughts of grandeur made it all quite bearable. The one good experience and i mean 1 out of say 100 matches that did not conform to the rest was quite surreal. If i had known that the rest of the time would be spent sifting through uninspiring talk, i could have ended my experiment then but would not make a good story now. Would it? So, i highly advise anyone who is a little bit normal to stick to traditional ways of meeting people. It may take a while, it may take forever but it will save you a lot of trouble. This is also my cue to end this experiment.

Lessons on doing your own hair.

I thought learning how to do my hair would be easy peasy. After all, i have had this hair for as long as i can remember and its just hair. Boy was i wrong. First, the natural hair blogs make it look so effortless. Especially when they fast pace their videos when they are doing twist outs or bantu knots and then unravel them to a beautiful result the next morning. Well, here is what i have found out to be the raw truth behind doing your own hair.

Well, first, my hair is at that weird transitional stage where the ends stick out straight when i wash it and the rest of the hair is just a matted mess. Lets start from the top.

1. Natural hair products will cost you a pretty penny.

From the range of shampoos that purport to give you silky soft hair, to conditioners and treatments with ingredients that promise volume and bounce, then the butters, creams and gels. I don’t even know half these products yet but taking the aisle where they are stocked is enough to have me rethinking my hair choices.

2. You need to have super stretchy hands and a third eye.

Doing your hair means your hands need to be super stretchy to reach all the corners of your head. The third eye goes without saying. Getting your hair into neat sections is a dedicated task.

3. There goes your Saturday afternoons.

Depending on how often you clean your hair, you can kiss your Saturday afternoons goodbye. Because those videos on you tube that last 4 minutes, could last you a whole hour or so trying to do Bantu knots on your head.

4.Your knots or twists could refuse to dry up.

Mine did. My maiden attempt and one side of my head looked like a bad experiment and i had church to attend. Which brings me to my next point.

5. You need to have plenty of scarves/ turbans and know how to use them.

Because your hair could totally back fire and there’s church or work or something to attend and no time to fix the mess. So, start stocking up on scarves and learn how to tie them.

6. Bad hair days might be an everyday affair.

You know how your hair decides to give you grief every once in a while, this could be your life story. Until you get the gist of doing your own hair, you could move from bad hair day to next bad hair day.

7 . questions, comments, more questions.

“Have you cut your hair? What have you done to your hair? Is that your real hair? Oh, you must be really patient.” Get used to the questions. You will get plenty of this. Even the men will comment.

8.Time to buy a nice wig.

Because some days you do not want to look at your hair and this might be your only quick fix. Scarves wont help you all the time.

On a more positive note..

9.You learn how to use bobby pins.

I bet you have been using them all wrong. Well, you have to learn to use them correctly. Also, buy a tonne of them. Plus those tiny hair bands.

10.You can rock something different everyday.

Perhaps the best bit about learning how to do your own hair is being able to try out something different everyday.

11. You save up on salon visits.

All that money you spend going to the salon? You can now use it to buy products and never need to go to the salon again.

12. Embracing your hair and nailing all those hair do’s is pretty bad ass.

Yeah i said it. Once you learn how to work your hair, then you should pat yourself at the back. Oh, and you’ll look pretty good too.

Of never ending friendships.

I know every time after a long hiatus i come here and apologize for my behavior then proceed to disappear again, but still sorry Edwin, i will not make any promises but i promise to be nicer from now on. A lot has been happening to me. Most of it has been in my head but still its been quite a transition for me. Its been beautiful, challenging , eye opening, a great learning curve.

I reconnected with a friend. Reconnected, because we last saw each other say 5 years ago. within that time, we’ve both gone to school, finished school, i with my first degree and her on to her 2nd one now, gone through the crazy confusion that is the early 20’s. To be honest, we both are still on the borderline of this confusing yet exciting phase, she is now a proficient natural hair and lifestyle blogger and i have my lovely site. Wow. its been a many five years but first a little background.

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We met in high school. We were in the same class for four years. Took different classes but still found plenty to connect on. I think our personalities meshed. She, an introvert, and i an extroverted introvert as i like to think of myself. I even attended one or two of her church services . The good old days. We finished school and she went ahead to do architecture as i pursued business and amid going to study in a different town and finding myself in my early adulthood, we lost touch. For close to 6 years we did not meet or talk until recently. Thanks to a Facebook message.

Coffee with my friend after all this time felt like going for a blind date without the awkwardness of finding out they lied about their height or that they used too many filters and they aren’t as light colored as their photo portrays. Anyway, i was worried we would have nothing to talk about. Maybe my campus days were too colorful compared to hers, and that she would find me a bit loud for her tastes. What happened is that we, like always, had an array of common things to talk about. From boys, to hair, to food and health, to career and then to random things. We may have taken different paths but we certainly did not lack for things to talk about. Which was absolutely wonderful to know because well, five years is a lifetime in a girl’s life.

All this got me thinking about all my current friendships and whether they would stand such a test of time. Whether an interaction like that after such a long time would be as effortless. It also got me thinking that i would not want any of my current relationships to stand such a test of time. I guess that also counts for my relationship with my blog. All in all, it was wonderful seeing my friend. I do not intend to have the next meeting after 5 years so i should probably text her about now for our next date and to tell her that i wrote about her. Also, how have you been?

For Lolo.

I am doing a post right now because when there are no words to speak I choose to write. When the words are too heavy to be delivered, then I choose to write because pen and paper for me are always good listeners.

Today my close friend lost her little angel. Barely into this world. He had not even celebrated his first birthday and as I heard the news I realized there was nothing I could say that could possibly ease the burden. No words could express that my heart went out to her and capture the real essence of the moment. Of that of a mother not seeing their child grow up.

I was transported back to the moment when she knew she was expecting. How she had looked forward to it and when he did eventually come, how she said she did not even know it happening.How she had come from being clueless at motherhood to being completely in charge and devoted to the little one. She had planned out his life not leaving anything to chance,boldly embracing that she might have to do it alone but never faulting her baby for being a responsibility she never had in mind to start with.

I could hear it in her voice as she grew fond of her baby, his mannerisms and little quirks and was filled with awe at how she did it all amid the challenges. I admired her greatly since she got her baby. I still do. She had made motherhood seem so easy for the rest of us.

Today, when I received the news, I was at a loss as to what to say and how to say it. So I decided to write this little tribute to mother and baby. Baby, for having made my friend smile and turning her into the strong woman she was always supposed to be and mother, for being the very best mum a baby could have wished for. To pray for his soul and for the peace that one can only hope for at such times.

Falling Half in Love with Strangers

When Do I Get The Manual?

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I love being able to express myself in writing.

It feels more accurate somehow than speaking words. Talking for me can sometimes feel like playing tennis with a colander; I mean, it’s possible, I can do it, but it’s not ideal. The ball goes over the net, but just about. It goes where I want it to go… more or less. I can’t be sure it’ll hit it’s mark, but I can hope. Later, I’ll go home and think about how I could have done it some other, better way.

Writing is different.

Writing is a tennis racket. When I’m writing, I have the time to think about what I’m trying to say, and then mentally flip through millions of words looking for the one that slots into my sentence like that Tetris block you’ve been waiting five minutes for; the one that gives you a combo and wipes the…

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i wrote a post, erroneously deleted it and now i don’t know if i can write it the same way again. So I won’t.

That is how long I have been out of this site. So long that I forgot how to use it. I posted and then deleted and now that train of thought is already on on the SGR to Mombasa and I don’t know what to do because it was a very nice thought train I had there. Yes , I am Kenyan and we just got this kick ass train, I hear, from the news and internet that I intend to use before end of year.

I wrote about my hair and how it’s wild naturalness drives me wild in a not pretty way. About how I can not understand how I want to be beautifully untamed yet the proud untamed mane on my head bothers me so. The other post had a better flow of words but that’s what I get for neglecting my baby for so long.

So now I’ll write about why I’ve been away for so long and try to get some bits and pieces of my previous post from my head. Then I will remember not to delete it.

I moved towns. I got a job and started adulting. I have no idea why I ever wanted to be an adult as a kid. If I could go back I would tell little me. ” hush child, do not ever want to stop being tiny. Cry all you want and ask for all you want. Throw tantrums and refuse to go to bed. Be a little annoying kid because once you grow up, you can’t be these things.” That’s what I’d say to the little one.

Being an adult is good. You move on to the next phase of your life as dictated by you or society. Whichever you choose to follow. But you also leave that kid behind which is sad because that kid is the reason you spent half your life smiling. If you are lucky and that kid had a happy childhood then she’s going to help you get through a lot of tough times as an adult. She is going to teach you how to laugh and be happy even when you would rather not because kids don’t stay sad for too long.

Anyway, so I’m still trying to get used to the routine. Finding my footing at work, getting used to matatus that don’t quite get to your destination. Just because they can get away with it. Learning new skills including and not confined to taking care of my hair. Well, and that’s just about it. I feel like this is an apology for being away too long and that the app will not punish me again. Yes, I’m a little superstitious but that’s just me. I’ll do this more often now that I think I have a rhythm going.

Have a lovely week everyone and I’m in the market for tips on how to manage mid length transitioning hair.

 Untaming my mane#1

Today I was humbled by the realization that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my hair in the absence of heat and chemicals and braiding. Forget you tube or blogs for naturalistas. I have watched tutorials on how to do a twist out and wash n go and many terms that I get jumbled up in my head. The real test is when I’m standing before the mirror and I realize that a task that takes me 5 minutes will now take me and unforeseen amount of time. Time that I do not have.

I love my hair. It grows at an alarming rate and manages to fill my head in ways that only hair can. Haha. I just haven’t learnt to accept my hair and let it out instead of trying to cover it . I once attempted to go natural but without the diligence and Money to sustain the lifestyle I found myself going back to my stylist to get it relaxed. Once she washed away the relaxer and my wild fuzz was straight and sleek I found myself sighing in relief. Later, I was angry at myself for giving into my mind’s whims.

Fast forward to now, my hair is in a state of half growth and half relaxed and I’m faced with the same dilemma. It took me 15 minutes more to get ready for church today. All because my head refused to be tamed. Which is ironic because I refuse to be tamed myself yet I want to tame a part of me. I digress. When I finally got my hair sleeked up and up in a bun I have never felt such sense of accomplishment.

I made it to church on time and looking around just one pew before mine was a lady with a glorious head of hair. She had not tied it up or sideways or tried to make it behave like I did to mine. I started to question my view on beautiful hair. Or kempt hair. Whichever you choose to call it. Growing up, straight hair or  hair in cornrows or braids was considered neat. Undo the cornrows and choose to walk that way and everyone will say you are crazy. Kookoo crazy. Not just anyone. My mum would give me grief for even thinking about it.

The reality is natural hair is wild. Its untamed. Its everything I believe life should be and yet I still want to sleek mine down by using a concortion of products. Then say that I finally have mastered my hair. And I only came to that realization today when I felt that my wild hair would be used to form a perception on who/ what I am. In an instance I found myself questioning so much and that is a very scary thing.

I am taking this week to wear my hair in various states of its wildness with abandon. Let’s see if it kills me or makes me stronger.

 Male best friends.

I’m watching this movie about a guy who is slowly falling in love with his best friend. The girl is dating and completely oblivious of what’s happening. She’s totally taken by this other guy even when this guy has been hellbent on controlling every single thing she does. He wants her to lose weight, eat salads, have two drinks instead of three or four you get the drill. The best friend sees this of course but won’t do anything so as not to antagonize their friendship.

I have always wanted me a male best friend although watching this has cemented the notion that perhaps this is a pipe dream. Growing up as a kid I had a male best friend. We played together, got up to mischief together, did what kids do together and it was fun. But kids’ friendships aren’t complicated. Beyond playing ‘ mommy and daddy,’ kids are happy go lucky and life does not complicate things. So such friendships are possible. My partner in crime had to part ways when we moved houses and that was the last of the male- female friendship I ever experienced.

Now, as a young adult, I find it rather hard to maintain a close platonic relationship with a guy. Especially if we get to hang out and do stuff together all the time. Somehow things get murky and they tread dangerous territories that neither of us can handle. I will be honest and say that I’ve been the instigator on a number of occasions. I no longer encourage platonic relationships unless I’m sure I can absolutely handle it. Which is rarely.

 

I think part of me craves having what I had as a kid and part is curious about what such a friendship really holds now that I’m all grown up. I would also like to have a different opinion from what girlfriends bring to the table and I do have a bunch of feisty, smart girlfriends. Its definitely something I’d like to explore until I get married hopefully and then my husband becomes my best friend. Or isn’t that how it works?

Anyway, I like to read and write and experience a bunch of things in life. If you are looking for a female best friend who’s a bit stubborn but really cool and fun and you stumbled upon this article, send me an email. Location doesn’t matter. Not with the internet. You on the other hand can be whatever you want to be..Funny will get you to the top of the list though.